Just a quick message. Your profile may say "male" right now. You can change that to female or make it unspecified. The software oddly puts it on male for default. Go to the upper right corner and click your name and then click User Control Panel. On that screen, click the profile tab and it should be the first option to change. You should see male, female, and none specified. Thanks!

Story Ideas?

Tell us your stories, either real life or fictional.
User avatar
frank1
Posts: 3365
Joined: 30 Jun 2013, 00:01
Gender: Male - Male

Re: Story Ideas?

Post by frank1 » 03 Feb 2018, 06:22

Chapter 2

Kevin backed up as the guys in the locker room closed in on all sides, within moments he was trapped. Jack had leaned in and produced another loud burp into his face and blew. He coughed and sputtered as the other guys joined in on the torment. A pair of hands held him in place to prevent him from stumbling around.

He couldn’t see anything, he could only hear and smell as guys repeatedly inhaled and exhaled their bad breath in his face. Loud burping echoed off the walls of the locker room. One of the guys burped right into his ear. The sound of it nearly deafened him, he could feel the warm moist breath of the guys closest to him. The sound of their burping mingled in with their laughter. He tried to breathe but he couldn’t get enough air into his lungs. Soon he was choking on the bad breath of multiple guys. He could taste the faint smell of body spray, as well as the more immediate smells of various foods the guys around him had consumed. He could smell a brief whiff of hamburger as well as fries.

He fell to the floor, the hands which held him a moment ago had released him. He stretched out his hands trying to find his way back on his feet. He could hear more laughter as the guys watched him fumble. He found the end of a locker to hoist himself up to his feet. Wiping his eyes, he saw they were all watching him as he maneuvered over to his locker. Just as he reached it, one of them stepped in his way. He was bigger than a few of them, and he towered over Kevin.

The big dude gave a huge inhale and burped directly into his face, but he didn’t stop there. He continued to crank burp after burp one after the other in quick succession. His hands had pinned Kevin to the opposite wall. He could feel his warm breath on the surface of his skin. Other guys had crowded around and joined in, the noise was almost too much. He covered his ears and sank to the floor.

For the moment, it seemed like the guys would leave him alone. He didn't hear anything for a long while. Only the steady breathing of the other guys and occasionally comment let him know that they were still there. He rose unsteadily to his feet, he glanced at the other guys warily before going over to his locker and getting his things. The other guys watched him with grins on their faces. He retreated into the bathroom and locked the stall behind him.

henz@
Posts: 6
Joined: 05 Mar 2017, 03:36
Gender: Male - Male

Re: Story Ideas?

Post by henz@ » 06 Feb 2018, 03:49

Great chapter! Your writing is on point but adding the point of view and toughts of the characters would make you text richier!

MrMidnight
Posts: 100
Joined: 01 Nov 2014, 20:44
Gender: Male - Male

Re: Story Ideas?

Post by MrMidnight » 10 Feb 2018, 16:34

This is dreams in text right here :x :x :x :x

Jerryfromfinance
Posts: 24
Joined: 07 Oct 2017, 00:46
Gender: Male - Male

Re: Story Ideas?

Post by Jerryfromfinance » 15 May 2018, 01:58

Frank1 Your writing is shit.

User avatar
frank1
Posts: 3365
Joined: 30 Jun 2013, 00:01
Gender: Male - Male

Re: Story Ideas?

Post by frank1 » 15 May 2018, 03:24

Jerryfromfinance wrote:
15 May 2018, 01:58
Frank1 Your writing is shit.
Are you trolling? Do better next time.

Jerryfromfinance
Posts: 24
Joined: 07 Oct 2017, 00:46
Gender: Male - Male

Re: Story Ideas?

Post by Jerryfromfinance » 15 May 2018, 04:08

What do you look like irl Frank1? I've been wondering for a long time

User avatar
frank1
Posts: 3365
Joined: 30 Jun 2013, 00:01
Gender: Male - Male

Re: Story Ideas?

Post by frank1 » 15 May 2018, 04:28

Jerryfromfinance wrote:
15 May 2018, 04:08
What do you look like irl Frank1? I've been wondering for a long time
I don't what are trying to do, first you say my writing is shit and then you ask me this. You could have led with this or pm'd me about it. I don't like to give out personal details about myself sorry

Jerryfromfinance
Posts: 24
Joined: 07 Oct 2017, 00:46
Gender: Male - Male

Re: Story Ideas?

Post by Jerryfromfinance » 24 May 2018, 04:08

Not trying to hurt your feelings, I just think you have room for improvement

User avatar
frank1
Posts: 3365
Joined: 30 Jun 2013, 00:01
Gender: Male - Male

Re: Story Ideas?

Post by frank1 » 24 May 2018, 13:12

Jerryfromfinance wrote:
24 May 2018, 04:08
Not trying to hurt your feelings, I just think you have room for improvement
Yeah true but that's not what you said, you said my writing was shit. That's not constructive criticism you just flat out insulted my writing. I doubt your writing is any better.

MrMidnight
Posts: 100
Joined: 01 Nov 2014, 20:44
Gender: Male - Male

Re: Story Ideas?

Post by MrMidnight » 26 May 2018, 22:57

Can an admin comment on this situation please? This person is being disrespectful and rude, there’s entitlement to an opinion and then there’s being a douche and this person isn’t the latter.

Post Reply